


Cold Comfort

by Laurtew



Category: Lockwood & Co. - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 10:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurtew/pseuds/Laurtew
Summary: Anthony Lockwood has feelings for Lucy, though he’d never tell her that. When they get trapped in a walk-in freezer and have to huddle together for warmth, he might just end up giving his secret away, whether he wants to or not.





	

Title: Cold Comfort  
Author’s Name: Laura Sichrovsky  
Fandom: Lockwood & Company  
Rating: T (or PG-13 if you live in the States.)  
Word Count: 3883  
Pairing: Anthony Lockwood/Lucy Carlyle  
Warnings: Kissing  
Spoilers: Brief mention of events from books 3 and 4. 

Summary: Anthony Lockwood has feelings for Lucy, though he’d never tell her that. When they get trapped in a walk-in freezer and have to huddle together for warmth, he might just end up giving his secret away, whether he wants to or not.

Disclaimer: This is where I put the statement saying that I do not own Lockwood, Lucy, or any rights to anything from these books. No one is paying me to do this and if you feel the sudden urge to send me gifts, you might want to talk to someone about that. Jonathan Stroud owns all things Lockwood and Company and he has not given me permission to use these characters as I have so if you have problems with the story, please send the pretzel bombs to me, not him. 

Author’s Notes: Thanks need to be given, and here is where they go. Thanks to Jonathan Stroud for creating characters so amazing and a world so real that I can’t help but want to play there. 

 

Cold Comfort

“Well, this is unexpected and inconvenient.”

Lucy turns to look at me, her expression a mix of exasperation and disbelief. I’ve been told I have a talent for understatement and moments like this make me wonder if that’s true. In the years since I formed Lockwood and Company, we’ve faced danger and disappointment on a regular basis, so it really does take quite a bit to put me off my game. I’ve also learned that a good leader does what he can to keep those who follow him calm under pressure. But make no mistake; just because I am outwardly composed that doesn’t mean I’m not swearing viciously to myself in my head. 

“Inconvenient?” Lucy asks, her hands flapping a bit as she talks. “Lockwood, we are trapped in a giant freezer and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting out anytime soon. This goes right past inconvenient and on into disaster territory.”

Why do people feel the need to state the obvious? I know that we’re trapped in a rather large meat locker. I was there when the door slammed and bolted behind us. Just because I’m not fluttering about in panic, that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the situation. Admittedly, this is bad, but we’ve been in worse scrapes. At least there isn’t a Visitor in here with us. We’d already eliminated all of those.

When we took the job at the warehouse off of Arbuckle street it had seemed fairly routine. The night shift workers had refused to come in when an outbreak of Visitors had resulted in two deaths from ghost touch. George’s research hadn’t turned up anything more sinister than usual, so Lucy and I had gone to the warehouse while the rest of the team dealt with a second case across town. It hadn’t taken us long to locate and neutralise the sources. It looked like we might even get to call it an early night.

What we hadn’t anticipated was that the night manager had brought in the sources so as to clear the building for his illegal activities that were his side job. He had been most put out when Lucy and I undid all of his hard work. The worst part was that we hadn’t figured it out until he had lured us into this freezer and locked us in. With the others off on a separate job, no one was going to miss us for several more hours; several more hours of arctic temperatures designed to turn meat to ice. Not the most hospitable conditions for humans.

We had already examined the door, had tried to pick the lock and turn the bolt, all to no avail. Lucy let out a few choice expletives and is now pounding on the door.

“Do you honestly think he’s going to change his mind and let us out?” I ask mildly. 

She turns on me, glaring.

“Of course not,” she snaps. “But maybe there is someone else out there who’ll hear me.”

“There is no one else. We’ve been through the whole building.”

Lucy gives one last vicious kick to the door and begins to pace the room. I watch her for a moment. I can feel the frustration rolling off her in palpable waves.

“You should calm down,” I say quietly.

She rounds on me, eyes blazing.

“Why are you not more upset?” she yells. “Do you not get that we’re going to die in here?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s that bad. George and Holly know where we are. When we aren’t back by sunrise they’ll come looking for us.”

“Lockwood, by sunrise we’re going to be icicles. This room is designed to freeze things; things like animal corpses and careless agents.”

“Yes, it is, but animal corpses don’t have jumpers and coats. We’ll bundle up and wait for the rescue team. It’s only a few hours.” 

I look at her and I notice that she’s shivering a bit. The weather has been unseasonably warm lately and she’s only wearing a light coat. It’s very likely that she is rather cold. I take a breath and nod at her.

“Come here,” I say, shrugging out of my coat.

“Oh, no,” Lucy says, shaking her head. “I am not taking your coat so that you freeze while I stay warm.”

“No, you aren’t,” I reply, trying to keep a straight face. “That would be silly. My coat is large enough and warm enough to share.”

She frowns as I cross the room and sit, leaning my back against the wall. After a minute she joins me, sinking down to sit next to me.

“I don’t think your coat is going to cover us both,” she says doubtfully.

And in that she is right. It is a long coat with a thermal liner in it, but it isn’t especially wide. I knew that when I suggested this, but sitting next to each other isn’t exactly my plan. I look at the floor, fighting to keep down the blush that’s threatening to overtake me. 

“Well, no,” I reply, my voice shaking a bit. “Not if you sit there it won’t.”

“And where exactly would you have me sit?”

This isn’t awkward or anything. I swallow hard and look over at her.

“You’ll…you’ll have to move over here.”

I shift, moving my legs apart to make room for her. Lucy’s eyebrows go up to her hairline.

“Are you suggesting I sit in your lap?”

I can feel that I’ve lost the battle with the blush and my face heats embarrassingly. 

“No, well, not exactly.” I remind myself to keep breathing. “You’ll just have to come sit between my legs. The coat should cover us both if you do.”

She sighs, but doesn’t argue. Mercifully, she keeps whatever snarky comments she’s thinking to herself and crawls over to settle between my legs. She’s careful to keep a bit of distance between us; not that I’m arguing. Wordlessly, I spread the coat over us. I have to pull my knees up to keep my feet under it, but it actually does a reasonable job of covering us both and I pull it over our heads. We’ll have to stay completely under it, but it will protect us adequately from the cold. Well, almost. There is a gap on either side of my shoulders and cold air seeps in, but it’s tolerable.

“Are you comfortable?” I ask, more from trying to find a way to dispel the awkwardness than from actual worry. It’s nicely warm under the coat and Lucy is likely fine.

“I’m good,” she says and I can feel her nodding. “How about you?”

“Yes, I am fine.” The awkwardness doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I feel her turn a bit. She must be trying to look at me.

“For not considering something like this might happen. For not being prepared. For running us headlong right into danger, yet again.”

“How in the world could you have anticipated this?” Lucy asks still shifting around. “We deal in ghosts, not crazy humans. There is no way you could have seen this coming.”

“Perhaps not, but with all the crazy humans we run into you’d think I might start carrying a weapon beyond my rapier.”

“I guess we’ll have to add that to the supply list,” she says and I can feel that she’s turned enough to actually look at me. She suddenly reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Lockwood, there’s a gap. Your whole back is exposed to the cold.”

“I’m fine.” I wave away her concern. “I’m mostly under the coat.”

“You’re fine for now, but in a few hours you are going to be facing frostbite.”

“I’ve got a thermal undershirt on. I’ll be fine.”

“There has to be a way to get you fully under here.”

I start to tell her to just let it go, but she’s moving and the next thing I know I have a lap full of Lucy. I gasp and jerk in surprise, not sure what to do or how to react. She’s leaning around me, pulling the coat closed at the back and tucking it between me and the wall.

“There, if we take up less space, we both fit,” she says and I can feel her breath against my face. “Better?”

I can’t even form words. The cold that was drifting in is gone, but Lucy is in my lap and I’ve traded one problem for another. I have been trying to ignore my feelings for Lucy for over a year now. I am her boss and she lives with me. I can never seem to gage her opinion of me and while I am utterly smitten, there is no way I’d want to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. Most days I can tuck my attraction for her to the background and cover it with more urgent things. When it gets really bad, I can go down and take out my frustrations on the straw dummies until my feelings are back in their box. I’ve told myself that I will never let her know they are there, which is all well and good, but she’s sitting in my lap and if she keeps breathing in my ear like this there will be nothing I can do to keep her from figuring it out. My silence must be concerning her. She leans closer.

“Lockwood?” Her breath washes over my skin and I shiver. “You are still cold. Did I not tuck it well enough?”

She’s reaching over, her hands probing around my hips. This is really not good. I cough a couple of times, attempting to collect myself.

“It’s fine,” I gasp out. My voice sounds odd, even to me. I pull in a breath. “Really, it’s tucked.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod and I know she can sense it by the way she relaxes against me. For the next little while I just concentrate on breathing. Slowly, breathe in, hold it, count to six, slowly let it out, start over again. If I just focus on this, perhaps I can ignore the woman in my lap. I close my eyes, narrowing my attention to the air going in and out of my lungs. I’m not sure how long we sit there, but my minor victory comes to a crashing halt when Lucy shifts a bit on my lap. She’s brushing against me and I completely forget how to breathe at all.

“Lockwood?” 

Her voice is a whisper in the dark. I grunt in reply, unable to find words.

“Are you upset with me?”

The question comes from nowhere and the distress in her tone pulls me up short and gives me something to concentrate on.

“Upset with you? Why would I be upset? What did you do?”

“Nothing new,” she replies and I can feel the tension in her muscles. “But I did disregard your orders about talking to ghosts, I put everyone in danger, and I left.”

“And you’ve been forgiven for that,” I say gently. “You know we are thrilled to have you back.”

“Well, yes, we are,” she says with a hard emphasis on the ‘we.’ “But what about you?”

“What about me?” I ask, completely confused at the question. 

“I just…” Lucy sighs. “Sometimes things feel just fine, but other times, I feel like you’re mad at me or avoiding me. You hide in your room or you go stab the dummies for hours. Have I done something wrong?”

I have no idea how to respond. There are times that I do avoid her, usually when I’m having trouble fighting the urge to touch her or tell her how I feel. I had no idea that she’d noticed. But now that she has, how can I reassure her that I am not upset with her without giving away my feelings? I must have hesitated too long. 

“You are.” 

Her voice is quiet and wounded and I can’t help but wrap my arms around her to comfort her. 

“I’m really not,” I respond, hugging her gently. “There are just times I need to be alone and it’s nothing that you’ve done.”

That’s mostly the truth; she can’t control how I feel about her. She leans against me, resting her head on mine and I am overcome with a wave of emotion so deep that it makes my eyes water. Lucy is so amazing, brilliant and talented, so kind and compassionate, and even if she will never feel for me what I desperately want from her, I am lucky to have her in my life. This feeling washes through me, drowning me, and it takes all my control not to turn my head and kiss her. 

“Is there anything I can do to help when you get in that mood?” she asks, her arm coming around my shoulders in a half hug.

I am ashamed to admit the thoughts that go flooding through my brain at that innocent question. I know that she means it in a supportive, friendly way, but all I can picture is pinning her to the wall of the practise room and kissing her until we can’t breathe. She sits, patiently waiting, while I grapple with one inappropriate thought after another. What would her lips feel like? Is her neck as sensitive as mine? If I kissed her there would she enjoy it? I know if I can’t pull these thoughts back in, if I can’t control myself, I am going to be in real trouble any minute.

“Anthony?” Lucy whispers and I am lost.

No one ever calls me by my first name, but when I fantasise about Lucy, in my daydreams she always calls me, ‘Anthony.’ Hearing it now, feeling her close, dragged under by need and desire, I cannot control my reactions. She shifts a bit, likely an attempt to see me in the dark, and I have to bite my lip. I feel her against me and I know any second she’ll notice me trembling. I’m starting to think freezing to death might be the better choice right now.

“Are you okay?” she asks, a finger inadvertently brushing against my neck. 

I cannot stop the full body shiver that rocks through me and the resulting gasp. The skin on my neck is insanely sensitive. Even if I wasn’t already completely enamoured with Lucy, that alone would pull a reaction. I’ve obviously concerned her, as she’s moving around again, trying to see my face. She reaches out, her fingers brushing against my skin, settling on my cheeks. I cannot control my shaking and I feel her freeze as she finally notices. 

“Lucy…” I stammer, trying to come up with something to say, anything that could fix this. Maybe I could blame it on the cold?

And in the space of a breath, everything changes and my world tilts sideways. Before I can come up with a coherent thought, Lucy shifts again. I think she’s leaving, putting some space between us, and I just about jump out of my skin when her lips press against mine. I have no idea what’s she’s thinking or why she’s doing this. I need to stop this and talk to her, but the soft caress of her lips feels ridiculously good and for a moment all I can do is let her kiss me.

I realise that I’m not really participating and I rectify that, leaning in and deepening the kiss. Lucy’s fingers ghost along my throat and a fully body shiver goes through me like electricity. The gasp that’s ripped from my throat is so loud that it almost startles me. Lucy jumps, but seems gratified, her lips settling back on mine. My head is spinning, my senses full of nothing but her. I can smell her perfume, something woodsy and sensible, nothing floral for my Lucy. I can taste her lip gloss, surprised to find it’s fruity. Is that cherry? Her lips part and my heart races as my tongue touches hers. My mind screams at me that we have to stop this, we have to talk about it, she has to understand what this means to me, that it’s so much more than physical. Regretfully I break the kiss.

“Lucy,” I gasp. “I need you to stop.”

She goes still and I pull shaky breaths in through my nose, trying to gain control again.

“But I thought you…didn’t you want…” She’s flustered; I can hear it in her voice.

I blow out a long breath. Now that I can think again I put a gentle hand over the one she has resting on my chest. 

She’s quiet and I feel a bit panicky, wondering what is going through her head.

“Lucy?” I feel her turn her head my direction. “What just happened?”

“You don’t know?” I understand the biting tone is to cover her embarrassment, but it stings none the less.

“Why?” She doesn’t answer and I squeeze her hand. “Lucy, why?”

“You wanted…” Her voice fades out. 

“But you didn’t.” It’s not a question and I feel her tense.

“Of course I did,” she says, anger lacing her words. “Do you think I would just…”

“You’ve never shown any interest before,” I say gently, jumping right to the heart of it.

She laughs, but there isn’t any humour in it.

“I’ve had nothing but interest for months,” she whispers. “Not that you’ve noticed.”

“You’ve never said anything,” I reply, feeling an odd mix of incredulity and hope.

“Why would I? You are obviously not interested in me.” She swallows audibly. “I know you don’t…I get that this…I mean I was sitting on you, so your reaction has nothing to do with me…”

I cut her off, putting one finger across her lips.

“And there you would be wrong,” I say, feeling exhilarated at the idea of finally being able to give this voice. “It is only about you.”

She goes tense again.

“You don’t have to…”

“I know I don’t. Do you not get it? This,” I gesture between us. “This is all about you. I tried to fight what I feel for you, but with you so close I couldn’t.”

“What you feel for me?”

I draw in a breath, feeling wrung out and exhausted. I know I’m going to get this all wrong.

“Lucy, can we talk about this after we get home?”

“Lockwood!”

“I just…this is very important to me and I don’t want to mess this up.” I reach out and touch her face. “You are very important to me and you deserve at least a coherent conversation.”

“You cannot just change the subject,” she says, anger flashing in her voice. “If you don’t fancy me you can just say it. Don’t feel guilty and try to avoid talking to me.”

“I’m not changing the subject!” Now it’s my turn to get upset. “I am tired and I am hungry and I feel emotionally wrung out. This is not the time for what could be a life changing conversation.”

Lucy snorts derisively and I admit that my battered emotions snap.

“I will not discuss this while we are physically exhausted, emotionally spent, and freezing to death,” I grate out through clenched teeth. “If you wish to continue this after we’ve gotten some sleep and eaten, then I will be at your disposal.” 

My voice sounds cold to my ears and I know I’m hurting her. Perhaps I’m trying to escape the emotional anxiety that’s eating me whole, but it also seems like the right thing to say, the situation being what it is. Lucy turns and I know she’s looking at me.

“Do you mean it?” she asks quietly. “Do you promise we’ll discuss this?”

The question catches me off guard.

“I…of course,” I stutter. “Why would you even…”

“I’m not suggesting you’re lying,” she says, shaking her head. “But you do have a habit of emotionally cutting yourself off and avoiding uncomfortable situations.”

I have no idea how to respond to that. She must sense my confusion, as she continues.

“I have wondered for a while if you felt this way. I’d catch something in your tone or see something in the way you’d look at me. You aren’t the easiest person to talk to and you always wall yourself off. I wanted to tell you how I felt, to see if maybe this could go somewhere, but I had no idea how to bring it up without embarrassing you and I was terrified you’d run away. I care about you too much to risk that.”

‘Surprised’ would be much too weak a word to describe what I’m feeling. For so long I had held back, unsure of how my affections would be received, not convinced they were even appropriate. I didn’t want to compromise Lucy or our friendship that was so dear to me. And in doing so, I had unwittingly kept the girl I adored at arm’s length, causing her to feel that I could not want her.

“I do promise,” I say, bringing up a finger to brush across her cheek. She leans into my touch. “I should have told you long ago, but…”

“I understand. I wasn’t any braver about it. But now that I know you feel something for me, I don’t want to lose this.”

“You won’t,” I promise. “I want this too. So very much.”

She sighs and relaxes against me, her head on my shoulder.

“Good then.” I can feel her voice vibrate across my body as she speaks. “We’ll talk about this later. I should warn you though that the outcome is pretty much already decided.”

I can’t help but let out a relieved chuckle.

“Well, you do have a point. But if it’s all the same to you, I would like to make it official.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Lucy says, running her fingers along my arm. “I rather like the idea of you officially becoming mine.”

Leave it to Lucy to leave me completely speechless. My lack of reply seems to concern her.

“Anthony?” Her voice is just above a whisper and I can hear the tension in it.

I bring my arms up and pull her close, hugging her tightly. She relaxes against me.

“For a moment there I thought I’d lost you.”

“Never.” Even I’m a bit surprise at how emphatic I sound, but I mean it. “I am yours. I have been for a while, but I just couldn’t admit it.”

“It goes both ways, you know. I’m yours as well. You have no idea how much I want that.”

The words send a shiver through me and I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy or content. I hug her a little tighter.

“Oh, I might have an idea.”

“Do you now?” Lucy asks and I can feel her smile against my shoulder.

“Very much so.”

I mean it to be teasing, but the words come out with such seriousness. Lucy picks up her head and we are kissing again. I’m not sure which of us started it this time, but it really doesn’t matter. The frantic desperation of earlier is gone, replaced by tender affection; a soft caress of lips. Lucy sighs and I pull her closer.

Suddenly there is a burst of sound, a crashing that shakes the whole freezer. We pull apart and I shift Lucy in my arms, preparing to defend her if I must. The thumping crash resounds again and before I can look out from the coat a much larger noise replaces it, an explosion that echoes and makes my ears ring.

“Lockwood?”

I push the coat away to see George standing in the doorway, Kipps and Holly behind him, the smoke of a flare drifting in the hall.

“Oh, thank God,” Lucy says, climbing from under the coat.

“We didn’t expect you for another few hours,” I say, getting to my feet.

“We finished early,” Holly replies. “We thought we’d come help you, but when we got here the building was locked up and dark.”

“We were going to go home,” George adds. “But Kipps saw your bags in the entryway and we realised something was up. We’ve been looking for you for almost an hour.”

“We’ve just been chilling out in here,” I say with a shrug.

Lucy snorts and shakes her head. 

“We found the Sources quickly enough, but turns out they were brought in by the night manager, who locked us in the freezer.”

“Ratty looking guy?” George asks. “Bushy eyebrows and thick glasses?”

I nod.

“He’s not a nice man,” I say with conviction.

“We thought he looked a bit dodgy. Kipps locked him in the broom cupboard just to be safe.” George grins at me. “That was right before we found this suspiciously locked freezer door and decided to blow it open. I think we should charge the warehouse owner for the flare. We wouldn’t have had to use it if their man hadn’t kidnapped you.”

I ignore the last part, smiling back at George.

“Nice work! Now we just have to call DEPRAC.”

“On it,” Kipps says, heading off to find a phone.

Wrapping the whole thing up turns out to be surprisingly easy. The night manager not only lacks any sort of imagination, storing the illicit Sources in his office safe, but he is wanted for pervious criminal activity. Inspector Barnes’s team leads him away and takes over clean up and securing of the site, leaving us to collect our bags and return home. 

It’s less than two hours later that we are sitting in the kitchen of Portland Row with Holly and George making a large breakfast.

“I cannot believe he locked you in the freezer,” Holly says, tutting as she adds more batter to the waffle iron. “You could have died in there.”

“I’m pretty sure that was the point,” Lucy says quietly. “We’re just lucky Lockwood always wears that massive coat.”

I look over at her, but she’s watching George fry eggs. I feel a bit uneasy; she hasn’t really looked at me since we were rescued. I didn’t expect that she’d be holding my hand in front of the whole DEPRAC crew or anything, but I had thought she might at least acknowledge that things between us had changed once we got home. For me, the conversation we’d had was dominating my thoughts and now I wonder if under the light of day, away from the certainty that we were going to die, has Lucy changed her mind?

“Well, it’s good to know that coat is actually good for something beyond your dramatic swanning,” Kipps says and everyone laughs.

I’m honestly starving and breakfast is amazing, so after six waffles, four eggs, toast, tea, and half a pound of bacon, I am comfortably full and quite ready for bed. The dishes are done, the kitchen hastily spot cleaned, and everyone heads off to their rooms to finally get some sleep.

I get into my pyjamas and settle into bed, but sleep won’t come. All I can think of is Lucy. Why wouldn’t she look at me? Have I done something wrong? If she’s changed her mind, of course I’ll have to accept it, but I won’t be happy. Thoughts chase each other about in my head, getting bleaker as they go. 

I’m just lying there, the bedside lamp casting dim shadows on the wall, when there is a light tap on my bedroom door. Before I can respond, Lucy is in the room, closing the door behind her. 

“I saw your light from under the door,” she says, coming to sit on the edge of my bed. “Do you mind?”

“Of course not.” 

We sit in silence for a couple minutes, the knot in my stomach tightening with anxiety. I want to talk to her, to ask if everything is all right, but I’m equally terrified to hear the answer. Lucy reaches out, her hand coming to rest over mine.

“Everything all right?” she asks, her voice just above a whisper.

“I’m…” I look at her, unsure of what to say. My doubts and fears are eating me whole. How could I ever think someone as amazing as Lucy would want romantic entanglements with someone like me? I swallow hard, struggling to continue. Lucy frowns.

“Anthony?”

Hearing her say my name centres me, loosening the knot in my chest. I look at her, noticing how the low light of the bedside lamp brings out red highlights in her hair and softens her complexion. I draw up my courage.

“Lucy, if you’ve changed you mind…”

I cut off midsentence as a slightly horrified look washes over her features.

“Of course I haven’t!” she says, her eyebrows drawing together. “Why would you even think…unless you have?”

“No!” I feel a bit foolish, the two of us verbally tripping over ourselves to reassure the other. I take a slow breath. “It’s just…you didn’t really even look at me over breakfast.”

She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” she says, shaking her head. “I honestly had no idea how to handle that. I knew if I looked at you my emotions would be all over my face and everyone would know that I’m crazy about you. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to tell them or not.”

“I don’t think I’d planned a big announcement or anything, but I’m rather sure that I can’t hide what I feel for you. I don’t want to sneak around like it’s shameful either. Of course, if you’d rather…”

She is shaking her head emphatically.

“No, you’re right. There’s really no reason we should hide it.”

I look at her, trying to read her face.

“Then you haven’t…” I venture.

“No, God, no.” Her enthusiasm is gratifying. “This is what I want. You are what I want.”

“Are you sure?” I ask quietly. “I’m not exactly the safest person to love. Everyone I’ve ever let into my heart, I’ve failed. And we both know that I’m not likely to live longer than a few more years.”

“About that,” she says, scooting a bit closer. “We also both know that’s because you’ve been so reckless. I understand it’s because you’re hurting from the loss of your family, but I was wondering if now that we’re together…maybe you’ll be a bit more careful? It would break my heart if I lost you.”

She looks up at me and I can see tears in her eyes. Before the idea is fully formed in my head I’m moving to gather her in my arms. I pull her close, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

“I know there are no guarantees,” she whispers. “What we do is dangerous, but…”

I nod, closing my eyes, savouring the feel of her in my arms.

“Maybe it would be better if I were to be at least a bit more cautious,” I concede. As I stroke her back I find that I’m having a hard time remembering why I’ve been so careless in the first place.

“You should also know that I would rather have a short time with you than a lifetime wishing we were together,” she says, her breath warm against my skin. “I’ve had eighteen months of longing for you from afar and it’s been quite enough, thank you.”

I pull back to really look at her, this woman who has captured me heart and soul. My empty life now has colour and I can picture a future that I actually want. I feel the smile spreading across my face and do nothing to stop it. Her eyes light up and her answering grin makes my heart skip a beat.

“I quite agree that having you with me is unquestioningly preferable to being without you.” I lean in and kiss her brow. “It’s settled then? No more hiding, no pretending, no more being alone?”

“I thought we’d already gotten there when we were at the warehouse.”

“Yes, but this is the official part.”

Her giggle makes my heart race and I can’t keep from pulling her close. There is something almost overwhelming in knowing that I don’t have to. She’s freely giving her heart to me and while I cannot begin to understand why, I will always cherish it and keep it safe. I feel her yawn against my shoulder.

“You should go to bed,” I whisper, not loosening my hold on her.

“I could,” she responds, making no move to leave. “Or I could just stay here.”

I frown, thinking about earlier, wondering exactly what she’s suggesting.

“Just to sleep,” she reassures. “We are both way too exhausted and I think we agree that we should take this slowly. But the idea of falling asleep in your arms…assuming of course that you want…”

I cut her off with a tender kiss, marvelling at the freedom to actually do this. She returns the kiss, relaxing in my arms, her lips brushing against mine. After a few seconds I pull back.

“I would very much like that.”

We shuffle around a bit, adjusting pillows and blankets until we’re settled in, her head on my chest with my arms around her. I’m mildly surprised how easy it is to relax like this, how the usual restless spinning of my mind dies down.

“Goodnight,” Lucy whispers, snuggling closer.

“Goodnight,” I reply, placing a kiss to her forehead.

Soon I feel her even breathing and I know she’s asleep. I rest my head on hers, my eyes drifting shut as the smell of her hair washes over me. I cannot remember the last time I felt such peace and contentment. I pull her just a bit closer and as I ease into sleep I embrace the happiness of knowing I am safe and loved.


End file.
